I Knew This Day Would Come

I think that every mother knows that this will eventually come. It is something that I dreaded and felt heart sick about. Today it happened. I drove Benjamin to school because I have been helping his teacher with a project of turning all her cassette taped stories to mp3s so that the students can listen to the stories on new mp3 players that the PTA is purchasing for the classroom. I needed to return the bag of tapes and the thumb drive with the recorded stories. As we walked into school I saw Lifetouch Photographers setting up. Oh pickles! I knew that class pictures were today and tomorrow. I even sent in the picture envelope with the check yesterday. Somehow in the morning rush, I had forgotten that it was today. Benjamin had picked out his own long sleeve white t-shirt with a short sleeved green a blue striped t-shirt on top. If I had remembered that it was pictures I would have surely sent him in a nice collared shirt or sweater. Into the classroom we went. I gave his teacher the things that I had for her and asked her what time the pictures were so I could possibly run home and grab a nicer shirt. She told me 10:20 which only gave me one hour to do all of that. As I thought about what to do, I turned to Benjamin to give him a kiss on the cheek and say goodbye. He immediately turned and walked away from my kiss with a humiliated look on his face. His teacher saw this interaction and turned to me with a surprised, shocked look. I quickly said something like "Oh no it has started where Mom is embarrassing," called out "goodbye Bud," and slipped out pushing the stroller with Emma trailing behind. I left completely dejected and devastated. It was all I could do to force my feet to return to the mini-van parked in the school lot and drive away. I really wanted to run back in, snatch up Benjamin and tell him that I loved him so very, very much. I wanted to check him out of school and spend the day just the two of us doing things that he loves to do. I wanted to have his kiss on my cheek one more time and for him to say to me "goodbye mom, I love you." I don't know if I embarrassed him by telling him that I would bring him another shirt or not, but something changed today. To tell the truth I am not ready for friends to be more influential than me yet. I am not ready to be the embarrass-er . I am not ready for him to grow up! I knew this day would come, but I am just not ready for it.