Basically we are in the state of all the cards lying on the floor. I had forgotten how pronounced a change a new little makes in a family. Everyone is learning their new place and I am dying to achieve equilibrium again! The cards we are dealing with and trying to refile include Jacob developing a really bad stutter. Benjamin did the same thing but at a much older age, but Jacob's is so pronounced He practically stutters the first syllable on every word in a sentence. I know this can be a normal thing, but it is just so hard that he appeared right when the new baby came home. He also has asserted more independence which I didn't know was possible. Yesterday while I was getting dressed he answered the door by himself. Luckily we have a lock at the top of the door so it will only open a few inches but still so scary because I didn't even know as he was suppose to be watching a movie. My neighbor called me to tell me about it as he answered the door for her. Emma is now one emotional girl. We have had more crying in the last three weeks than this past year. Things she used to do with confidence now demand a helper and so on and so on. Benjamin is also having some different behavior and trying to sort it out. Little Sarah decided that she was done being our great sleeper and is now on to a fussy stage. She is not a great nurser and I feel like all I do is nurse which causes everyone to need mom more. Me? Well I am much too tired and trying my best to avoid thoughts like "I've ruined my life and my kids lives again" which my mom quite assuredly tells me is the baby blues talking. But all those cards dumped out onto the floor make it hard to see the big picture. I guess in writing this it is more for me to remember that life is about stages - assimilation and accommodation are normal, developmentally, and healthy. They do eventually lead to equilibrium again and part of the process is learning and growing to reach a new level!
In this accommodation process, I am so grateful to have heavenly help. It is funny how all the those cards on the floor bring me to prayer much more often and for much more little things like please pacify Jacob or help Emma to see that she can do it on her own again or please help Sarah to just sleep for five more minutes or give me the strength to nurse again when it just is plain hard. Accommodation can be a painful, challenging process and I am glad to know that I have a Father in Heaven who I know hears and answers prayers. I found this quotation that is going to be my new mantra for our little accommodation process right now. It has already helped me immensely.
"When you have come to the Lord in meekness and lowliness of heart and, as one mother said, 'pounded on the doors of heaven to ask for, to plead for, to demand guidance and wisdom and help for this wondrous task,' that door is thrown open to provide you the influence and the help of all eternity. Claim the promises of the Savior of the world. Ask for the healing balm of the Atonement for whatever may be troubling you or your children. Know that in faith things will be made right in spite of you, or more correctly, because of you. You can't possibly do this alone, but you do have help. The Master of Heaven and Earth is there to bless you--He who resolutely goes after the lost sheep, sweeps thoroughly to find the lost coin. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest efforts, however feeble you may sometimes feel that to be."
-Jeffrey R. Holland, "Because She Is a Mother,", Ensign, May 1997, 35
